"I would tell her, never apologize for the space you occupy in the world. Make your strides long, wide and sure."
Conversations with Father (about men & dating)
- Me: I just watched a show about how successful (i.e. college educated) black women are not getting married.
- Him: Why is that a show? What's the problem? A black woman is better off by herself than with a black man that will bring her down. There's no point in getting married unless it's about mutual love and respect.
- Me: Well a lot of the black men on the show said that the reason black women are single is because they expect too much.
- Him: Psh. Black women do not expect too much! What is a black woman supposed to do? She is educated. She has her life in order. And she is supposed to get with any old man because he didn't get his life together but still feels he is entitled to any woman he wants?
- Me: Well they said that you have to look at a man's potential.
- Him: That's what they want you to think so that you don't require anything in actuality from them. You look at who a man is. Not who he says he will be.
- Me: The show also talked about why a lot of men cheat. They said it's because women were not keeping them happy or not sexually doing what they want.
- Him: That's ridiculous. There's no reason for anybody to cheat. If a man is grounded then he will love his partner enough not to cheat.
- Me: They also said that you need to make a man feel like a man.
- Him: If I am a man then why would I need a woman to make me feel like a man?
- Me: I don't know.
- Him: A real man does not need a woman to make him feel like a man. He is a man, isn't he? Men who say that have an inferiority complex.
- Me: Well they were saying that they need to feel like they wear the pants in the relationship.
- Him: Look. A man does not feel threatened by anyone unless he does not have his own life together. And in that case he will be threatened whether a woman lays down and lets him walk all over him or if she makes more money or anything else.
"It is reported that Maya Angelou has likened racial microaggressions or petty humiliations to “small murders,” in contrast to the blatant forms of oppressions called “grand executions,” in which the lethal nature of biased acts is obvious (Greene, 2000). Microaggressions have the lifelong insidious effects of silencing, invalidating, and humiliating the identity and/or voices of those who are oppressed. Although their lethality is less obvious, they nevertheless grind down and wear out the victims.
Studies reveal that a lifetime of microaggressions takes a major toll on the psychological functioning of marginalized groups in our society (Constantine & Sue, 2007; Crocker & Major, 1989; Herek, Gillis, & Cogan, 2009; Lyness & Thompson, 2000; National Academies, 2006; Pierce, 1978, 1988, 1995; Salvatore & Shelton, 2007; Solórzano et al., 2000; Steele, Spencer, & Aronson, 2002; Symanski, 2009). When speaking about the Black experience, for example, microaggressions have been described as “offensive mechanisms used against blacks”; they are “often innocuous,” but the “cumulative weight of their never-ending burden” may result in “diminished mortality, augmented morbidity, and flattened confidence” (Pierce, Carew, Pierce-Gonzalez, & Willis, 1978)."
"People don’t like love, they like that flittery flirty feeling. They don’t love love - love is sacrificial, love is ferocious, it’s not emotive. Our culture doesn’t love love, it loves the idea of love. It wants the emotion without paying anything for it. It’s ridiculous."
Matt Chandler (via wnq-writers)
people need to understand that some people just don’t like talking it has nothing to do with u so don’t take it personally like some people just aren’t talkers and they’ll probably never text u first or initiate a conversation and it’s not because they don’t like u it’s just that they don’t think to say anything bc they’re comfortable with not saying anything
Fear has kept me from doing entirely too many things. I want that to change.
"I started promising myself to
never stay anywhere I’m not
very much wanted. I have too
many scars to be breaking
my bones to fit into places
that weren’t made to fit me."
"You should not
have to rip yourself
into pieces to keep
i am seeing less and less of you (via pukin)
Baby laughing while getting shots
> Rock star doctor.
I don’t care how old he will be I’m taking my future children to him
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. (Philippians 4:6-7)
Reasons to Pray:
1. It encourages others.
2. It reminds you of spiritual values.
3. It gives hope.
4. It helps you feel better.
5. It allows you to let go of situations.
6. It provides comfort.
7. It relaxes you and reduces anxiety.
8. It builds faith.
9. It deepens character.
10. It broadens your perspective.
11. It brings you closer to God.
12. IT WORKS!
Things to Pray For:
1. For a growing relationship with God.
2. For positive relationships with your family members.
3. For energy and enthusiasm for your work or career.
4. For wisdom to make right and wise decisions.
5. For your service to your community and/or church.
6. For the special needs of your family and friends.
7. For the spiritual lives of your church leaders and congregation.
8. For wisdom for our government leaders.
9. For the moral integrity of today’s young people.
10. For the safety of those serving in our armed forces.
11. For a lasting peace among peoples and nations.
12. For the opportunity to be a blessing to someone today.
The problem is, I do not feel that anyone is my friend until I know them deeply.
Until we have shared something of our hearts; spent a deal of time together.
I do not feel safe with anyone, until then.
And I cannot be around people, I do not feel safe with for very long.
How then, do I break this cycle?
"No one is always gorgeous. No one is always sexy. But love is a DECISION. Waiting to see whether someone is good enough is childish, and it is BOUND to make the other person feel on some level as though they’re auditioning for the part. In that space, we feel nervous, and when we’re nervous, we’re not at our best. The ego is looking for someone attractive enough to support. The mature and miracle-minded among us support people in BEING attractive. Part of working on ourselves, in order to be ready for a profound relationship, is learning how to SUPPORT another person in being the best that they can be. Partners are meant to have a priestly role in each other’s lives. They are meant to help each other access the highest parts within themselves.
I’ve been with men who never seemed to think I was good enough. I’ve also been with men who were smart enough to say, “You look beautiful tonight” often enough for it to bolster my self-esteem and help me show up for life in a more beautiful way. None of us are really objectively attractive or unattractive. There is no such thing. There are people who MANIFEST the potential for sparkle that we all share, and those who don’t. Those who do are usually people who some where along the line, either from parents or lovers, were told verbally or nonverbally, “You’re wonderful and beautiful.” Love is to people what water is to plants."
Marianne Williamson (via mindofataurus)